Mr. Sand Man…Bring Me a Dream

It’s been weeks (possibly months) since I’ve posted here. Sorry ’bout that to those of you who were hoping for more frequent posts. I am thoroughly wrapped up in my current full-time job and all that comes with having two parents who work full-time and two kids who go to school, play dates, activities,  after-care, etc. It’s chaos but, so far, we’re managing to hold it all together.

Sleep much? (image courtesy of The Mattress Club of Canada)

Right now, it’s exactly 4:11 am. Yup, four in the morning. It’s cold, it’s dark, the cat’s snuggled behind me and I, as per usual if I’m not snug in bed, am on the internet. My daughter woke me up about 50 minutes ago as she was sneaking into my bed after having a bad dream. There’s hardly a night that goes by without one of our children waking up, not being able to get to sleep, having a nightmare or waking up too early in the morning. Normal, I know. But, I’m curious as to how sleep – or lack thereof – affects kids’ mental health.

We all know that a good night’s sleep leads to a productive, happier day. The last thing I want for my kids is to have them tired, grumpy, and agitated – not good for mom and not good for them. I do my best to follow a routine with them – no sweets or loud music/TV after dinner; dimming the lights; getting into PJs as early as possible; lots of stories before bed, that type of thing. And, usually it works but very often (see above) something happens in the middle of the night.

I remember having nightmares as a child and being really terrified so I try to remain calm and reassuring – which can be exceptionally difficult when one has to get up early and be calm, productive, efficient and friendly at work the next day! If I don’t have to open my eyes or turn on the lights in the dark depths of night and can just mutter something reassuring and have everyone go back to sleep – great! But, more often than not, there’s a drink to be found, a teddy bear to be retrieved and, sometimes, the “stay with me until I fall asleep” card is pulled. That one’s a doozy because it leads to a very sleepy parent who sometimes has work or (gasp) something fun to do after said child gets back to sleep.

For us, it’s all a matter of  routines, investigation, luck and “do what works for each child”. What is your experience with kids and sleep? Any tips to share?

Guest Post: With a Little Help From Their Friends

I’m pleased to include a guest post by Eileen Kennedy-Moore. Eileen is an author, psychologist and speaker whom I’ve gotten to know through a professional writers’ forum. After some back and forth, Eileen and I decided to focus on  friendship and its impact on mental health. Here’s her take on the merits of friendship for children.

Children Thrive With A Little Help From Their Friends

When I was a child, my sister and I used to get together with the neighbour kids and create shows. There would be numerous and varied acts, multiple costume changes, and a shifting cast. We created tickets and offered refreshments for our parent audience members. Preparing the show involved inspiration, arguments, and the occasional tears, and the performance invariably had calamities like falling curtains and wandering toddlers, but somehow the show went on, and we all enjoyed the final bows.

For most adults, some of our fondest memories of childhood involve the times we spent playing with friends. In some sense, friendship is what childhood is all about. Friendships are not only a source of fun; they also help children grow in meaningful ways.

Here are some of the things that children can gain through friendships:

1) Identity: Friends help children begin to discover who they are outside the family. Friendships are based on common interests, so by selecting friends, children declare something about who they are: “My friends and I play baseball” or “We all like the new Harry Potter movie!” When children have a friend who likes them, it can also help them to see themselves as likeable.

2) Coping: A friend is an ally. Having a friend means it’s easier to cope with disappointments.A recent study also found that children who have at least one friend are less likely to become depressed.

3) Problem solving: Friendships give children lots of opportunities to work out disagreements. This gives kids a chance to practice skills of persuasion, negotiation, compromise, acceptance, and forgiveness.

4) Empathy: Probably the most important benefit of friendship is that it encourages children to move beyond self-interest. Caring about a friend, or even just wanting to play with that friend can help children reign in selfish impulses and encourage caring responses.

Friendships are fun and painful, exciting and frustrating, challenging, enjoyable, and unpredictable—kind of like life. Whether children are putting on a show, negotiating where base is during a game of tag, or deciding which video game to play together, they are developing the skills they will use through out their lives.

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Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD is a Princeton, NJ psychologist (lic. #4254) who works with adults, children, and families. She is co-author of two books for parents: Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child’s True Potential (NEW! Jossey-Bass/Wiley) and The Unwritten Rules of Friendships: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends (Little, Brown).

She is also the author of a children’s book, What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention Without Hitting Your Sister (Parenting Press). Her website is http://www.EileenKennedyMoore.com

He May Not Be Man’s Best Friend But We “Heart” Him Anyway

Our “indoor” cat – a one-year-old tabby – runs outside every day. Normally he runs into our neighbour’s backyard and hides under their deck until we find him and convince him to come out but, lately, he’s getting more and more daring with his escapades.

Ray of Sun

Today he’s run outside twice. It’s probably a factor of the gorgeous weather we’re enjoying today. None-the-less it’s aggravating and time-consuming wrangling our kitty each time he escapes. Some may argue that we should let the cat out but we’re concerned that he’ll get hit by a car or be on the losing end of a raccoon battle.

So, the first time today, my son tried to snatch him from the garden but in the process bumped his leg REALLY hard on a rock and it left a large swollen bruise. My husband ended up getting the cat from under our neighbour’s car. The second time both kids worked as a team to lure the cat back into our yard and then carefully snatched him up and brought him inside.

The cat’s napping right now and the kids are pleased that he’s back. I’m sure the  kitty’s dreaming of bumble bees and squirrels.

Stats and Facts: It’s Children’s Mental Health Week

A Clear Path

I’ve been lucky enough to build relationships with mental health professionals throughout my years as a writer, researcher and curious human being.

Because it’s Children’s Mental Health Week (May 2-8, 2011) I want to present some (perhaps startling) statistics on the subject. These facts and stats are courtesy of the experts at The Hincks-Dellcrest Centre, a Toronto-based children’s mental health centre.

• One in five Canadian children suffers from a mental health problem, affecting families, schools, and sometimes entire communities.

• For school-aged children, most mental health problems take the form of “acting out” – defiant behaviour, arguing, not following the rules, or not listening.  These behavioural problems can also lead to social difficulties if the behaviour affects kids’ ability to get along with other children.

• While some teens experience behavioural difficulties similar to those experienced by younger children, others begin to display mood disorders such as depression and anxiety.  In some instances, the teenage years may be a time when acting out becomes more serious, leading to dangerous or criminal activity.

Like so many other health issues, early intervention appears to be a key factor in the realm of children’s mental health, too. And, for children of any age suffering from mental health problems, getting help early gives the best chance for a positive outcome.  “Most mental illness first appears in childhood or adolescence,” says Dr. Marshall Korenblum, Psychiatrist-in-Chief at The Hincks-Dellcrest Centre.  “If mental health problems are left untreated, they tend to grow worse as children get older.” Parents who feel their child might benefit from help can consult their family doctor or pediatrician, or directly approach a community mental health facility.

What are your thoughts on these mental health stats? Are you surprised or intrigued? How can we foster a better mental health system for children and families in Canada and world-wide? I queried a few other experts in the mental health field last week and, tomorrow, I will post their opinions on what’s top of mind in the field.